Better late than never, right? RIGHT?!
Well, anyway, here it is! Till next time!!
Tom and Vince Halloween Special
Part 2: The Trick
Halloween 2020 was proving to be a busy holiday. The stores were out of candy, mostly because Old Ms. Crowley had bought all the full-size bars. Kids were going for treats while their parents tricked out their costumes for late-night parties.
For Tom and Vince, however, Halloween was fun for other reasons. They were too old for trick or treating, and most of the people in the Show knew better than to invite them to parties. They used to try handing out candy but would usually eat most of it before the kids even got to their door. So, instead of letting Tom seethe over how Ms. Crowley somehow gets her grubby old lady hands on the full-size bars again, Vince decided to bring some friends online and play a game they had both been hearing about for a while…
“Oh look,” Tom said via the headset from his room. “Another emergency meeting. And I was almost done with the electrical grid.”
“Tom, you’ve been groaning since the last game. Can you at least TRY to have fun?” Vince scolded from the living room.
“Sorry, buddy.” Suddenly, Tom cried out. “DAMMIT!! Blue killed me!”
“Whoa, that took longer than last time.” Muttered Vince.
“Don’t remind me. Oh, by the way stay clear of Blue. I think he’s one of the impostors.”
“Yeah, don’t worry. I’m in a meeting.” The meeting did not go well for Vince, however. Blue convinced everyone that he was the impostor, and just like that, he was out of the game.
They both felt sour about the game they played, so they went somewhere to drown their sorrows. That proved to be a challenge as Tom was banned from almost every bar in the Show. Eventually they found a place-more of a hole in the wall, honestly- where they could sit down and get drunk.
“Damn that bastard Blue,” Tom seethed into his glass of P. Water’s Beer-Flavored Drink. “I was almost at the meeting, too!”
“Guy must have been in his fuckin’ debate group.” Vince moped, nursing a shot of whiskey. “How else can someone be so convincing…”
Meanwhile, the other bar patrons regarded the two with suspicion. “Hey Norm,” One asked another. “You know those two idiots?”
The one called ‘Norm’ took a good look at them. “Nah, never saw ‘em.” Was his final reply. “You think they’re suspicious or somethin’?”
“Just wondering who they are,” The other answered. “Thought I knew everyone here…”
Vince tapped Tom on the shoulder. “Hey, those jackoffs over at the bar were looking at us. Do you owe them money or something?”
Tom looked over his shoulder. “I dunno, but let’s blow this joint before they ask.” After skipping out on the bill, Tom and Vince walked for a bit. Tom had to puke after too many P. Water’s, so they stopped near an alleyway. As Tom walked out, he waved behind him, saying “Sorry about your shoes, Miss crack whore. I’m sure it’ll wash off…”
So then, they sat on a bench near a bus stop and pondered their next move. Finally, Vince had an idea. “Wanna find whoever played Blue and stomp the shit out of him?” Tom smiled wide. He was feeling in the mood for some of the old ultraviolence. Then, a thought occurred to him…
“Why? It’s just a game.”
“Yes, it was just a game,” Vince interjected. “But we are petty. Plus, we’re main characters, so we can get away with fucking anything.”
Tom began to think. “Okay, but how do we find whoever played Blue? Not like we can just deus ex machina our way into his apartment or some…”
It was then he noticed they had inexplicably changed locations. They weren’t at the bus stop anymore; they were in some guy’s apartment. And Instead of being next to him on a bench, Vince had some guy on his knees, preparing to slice his neck with a letter opener.
“Vince, Vince!!” He cried, causing his friend to pause. “I think they put something in our drinks! QUICK!! We need to induce vomiting before we wake up on a Chinese junk with our balls in the same vice!!”
Vince dropped the letter opener and facepalmed in embarrassment. “Uh Tom, we haven’t been drugged. We found the guy a few minutes ago. It was only a five-minute drive from where we were to his apartment…”
“HOW?!? HOW DID WE GET HERE??!”
“Deus ex Machina…”
“E-excuse me?” Tom couldn’t believe his ears.
“Try not to think right now, Tom. You’ll give yourself a stroke.” Vince sighed. “I was hoping to make this messy. Guess I’ll have to snap your neck…”
“Wait, WAIT!!” The guy cried. “What if I bribed you into letting me live?!”
“What could you possibly give us that would validate you not dying for being better at video games than us?” Vince asked incredulously.
The man gave a sigh. “Okay, I’m not supposed to share this,” He told our “heroes”. “But I have it in good with the manager of the local electronics store, Mavis Electronics. He’ll let you load whatever you can get in a cart and just walk out the door with it if you tell him ‘it’s extravaganza day’.”
Vince looked at Tom. Tom nodded, meaning that, in the unspoken language of plot devices, they had a deal. “If you just told us this to keep us from killing you,” Vince warned him. “We’ll come back and kill you EXTRA hard!” And with that, They slowly back out of the man’s house and went to Mavis Electronics.
After loading two carts with speakers, DVDs and Blu-Rays, a 4K TV and a robot seal toy (not to mention whatever they could stuff in their pants) they waltzed out the door, each telling the manager “It’s extravaganza day.”
And it turned out that fucking guy sold them a lie. They ended up losing all the things they took from Mavis Electronics in the ensuing police pursuit, which ended with a hundred0car pile up, several buildings on fire, and an epic showdown with the police chief on the head of the Statue of Liberty that is too long to put down in a short story format. In the end though, the day belonged to Tom and Vince… no thanks to the asshole who told them that fib.
Three days had passed since then, and that asshole had found a new place that was even nicer than his old place. Things were looking up for him. He had escaped an attempt on his life, got a promotion at his job, used his bonus to buy a new swanky apartment… he even had a hot girlfriend that he wasn’t just calling hot. Things were great…
…And then THEY showed up. Busting down the doors to his place, Tom and Vince rushed in screaming like Rambo. They smashed up his apartment- an act the asshole thought they took a little too much pleasure in- then tied him up in the middle of his smashed-up place.
“Your boss told us where to find you,” Tom glowered, his face contorted in bloodthirsty anticipation of what he was going to do to him.
“Yeah,” Vince said. “Right after we showed him what we did to your coworkers.” He then added, “He fired you before we killed him by the way. You’ll be getting a letter in a few days…”
“B-but he has my email…” The asshole stammered meekly. “Please… don’t…”
“Sorry, buddy,” Tom said, pulling a chainsaw out of nowhere. As he started to rev it up, he added, “But it’s EXTRAVAGANZA DAY!!!”
Before they could get the satisfaction of sawing him in half from the balls up, Morty suddenly burst through the door, shouting, “HOW DO YOU JACKASSES KNOW MY BOYFRIEND, TOM AND VINCE?!?”
It was then the Tom and Vince both knew it was gonna be a long night…