This chapter will have some rather… timely humor. Also, swearing, sexual humor and profanity. Reader beware.
Tom and Vince were sitting at the lunch table eating some chicken fried pizza when Vince asked, “You hear how fucked up American politics is?”
“JESUS, Vince!!” Tom cried out after swallowing his last mouthful. “Please, I’m eating here!!”
“Sorry, Tom. By the way, you were talking about something?”
“Oh, right.” Tom continued his story that began before the start of the episode. “Anyway, I was fuckin this cougar up the ass, and I was really enjoying it until I took my dick out of her cum-stained asshole… and she shits on my dick!”
Immediately regretting the conversation, Vince bemoaned, “Oh, I’m so glad talking American politics is looked down upon…”
Oblivious, Tom continued. “I mean, I finished by then, but what the fuck?! What self-respecting GILF shits after an anal pounding? So unprofessional, I fought the urge to slap her crying grandchildren…”
Suddenly, there was a spontaneous burst of hellfire, followed by the reek of brimstone. Once the fire had dissipated Satan stood before them, looking unusually panicked. “Oh shit, guys did you see any runaway demons around?!”
Our ‘heroes’ looked at each other stupefied and answered, “No…”
“Oh,” Then the lord of darkness noticed the food. “Ooh, chicken fried pizza! Can I have some?” And without waiting for an answer, Satan grabbed a slice and went to chow town. “You know,” He said in between bites. “Chicken fried pizza is probably the second most evil thing I ever did.”
“What was the first?” Asked Tom.
“The Reagan administration.” Satan leaned in and whispered. “He wasn’t the one making the decisions, y’know…”
And so, they ate. Once their meal (which could probably kill a man if he ate the whole thing by himself) was finished, Satan decided to go back to his dominion. “Gotta go,” He said, giving a wave. “Thanks for the meal.” He went to go then turned around and said, “Oh by the way, several really scary demons have escaped from Hell under the disguise of mortals and are around the neighborhood. Have fun with that.” And with that he left.
With that distraction gone, Tom went about putting the dishes in the sink so he could forget about them so Vince would have to wash them LIKE HE ALWAYS FUCKING HAS TO when partway through he suddenly thought of something. “Hey Vince, did he say something about demons escaping or whatever?”
“Dunno,” Was the immediate reply.
Just then, Madam Morte (known as ‘Morty’ to the Duo) appeared through yet another portal and asked, “Did you see any- “
“Oh, right!” Vince said, interrupting the goddess of death. “He did say something about several demons escaping from hell and taking residence on the Show!!”
“Dang,” Tom replied. “Someone ought to do something about that.”
“Yeah,” Morty added sarcastically. “You should.”
“We really should!” Tom jumped out of his chair, not realizing who said what. “Come on, Vince!! We got demon slayin’ to do…”
Then, both Tom and Vince reached into their pockets and drew out different weapons from… somewhere; Tom drew out a katana and a .45 Desert Eagle pistol with comfort grip. Vince drew out a machete and a double-barreled shotgun.
Tom looked at Vince’s weapons and asked, “Nice shotgun. Where’d you get it?”
“From my left pocket. Duh…”
“I don’t care how you pulled those things out your asses,” Morty shouted. “Get out there and be all the protagonist you can be!!”
Tom pumped his fist. “Let’s kick some fucking ass!!!”
“YEAH!!!” Vince raised his shotgun to the air, making sure not to set it off and damage their home. And so… they sat on the TV and binged Avatar the Last Airbender on Netflix.
Hope this tides you guys over. I appreciate you all!
Till next time!